A Frazzled Yankee Mom's Guide To Homemade Southern Biscuits - Jamie Farrell

A Frazzled Yankee Mom’s Guide To Homemade Southern Biscuits

Welcome to my biscuit cheat sheet. Today, we’ll be discussing making quick biscuits from scratch. But first, you all have to swear not to tell Jackson’s momma. You swear? Promise? Pinky promise?

Okay.

Moving right along.

Step one:

Preheat your oven, then toss all your dry ingredients and your butter or crisco or bacon grease into the food processor. Blend. Then add your milk or your water or your buttermilk and process until you get a ball of dough.

**This works best if your food processor bowl doesn’t have leaks. Just FYI. Also, this should take about seven minutes. Maybe a mite bit longer if your oven takes a while to heat.

Step two:

Dump the dough on a floured surface and use your hands to press it into a rectangle. Skip the rolling pin. If your family wants pretty, blue-ribbon-winning, state-fair-quality biscuits, they can make ’em their own darn selves. We’re going for speed and efficiency here, people. If it takes you more than a minute to press that dough flat, you’re taking too long.

**Unless you’re baking biscuits for thirty, in which case one or five of them better get over there and help you press that dough down.

Step three (and this is the super-secret magic part):

Slice the rectangle into smaller rectangles.

Cheater Cheater Biscuit Eater

That’s right. Forget the round cookie-cutter and those last two biscuits that rise all uneven and lumpy-looking because of the dough getting folded over six times. You can even use a serrated plastic knife to cut them if you’re living out of an incomplete kitchen while movers hold your good knives hostage on a moving truck three hours away.

**Note that using a serrated knife will increase the time to cut your biscuits from ten seconds to about two minutes. Also note that this situation may or may not be based on a true story.

Step four:

Bake for ten to twelve minutes.

Them there's some good-tastin' biscuits

If you’re counting, that’s about twenty minutes from grabbing your flour to pulling your biscuits from the oven.

And just like your mom used to tell you when she handed you the broken Oreo while your sister got the full cookie, it doesn’t matter how it looks, because it all tastes the same.

But this way, you might actually have time for a shower between biscuits for breakfast and the bus coming to pick up the kids.

Stay tuned. This frazzled Yankee mom might tackle sweet tea next.

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