Forget Fantasy Football. Let's Make A Fantasy Boyfriend League. - Jamie Farrell

Forget Fantasy Football. Let’s Make A Fantasy Boyfriend League.

Image courtesy

Image courtesy

I know lots of women enjoy football. I do, too. Especially on a big screen with lots of zoomed-in action on those football pants. And I can even follow the rules of the game most of the time. (I didn’t date a football player in high school for nothing, people!) But when it comes to this whole fantasy football thing, I’m worthless. I don’t know the football players’ names, I don’t know their stats, their teams, their positions, or which ones are dating pop stars. (My status as a pop culture ignoramus is a topic for another day.)

So this year, while everyone’s picking their fantasy football teams, I propose a fantasy boyfriend team. Less because I have any hope of knowing all the smart, sexy, attractive men about to be tossed out as “team players” (wink, wink), but more because, hello, excuse to google hot guys! Plus, the rules are a lot simpler to understand.

And since there’s that whole fantasy element to my fantasy boyfriend league, I propose the following positions on each team (complete with abbreviations, just like they do in sports!).

LF: Laundry Folder

BR: Back Rubber

DD: Dish Doer

LM: Lawn Mower

FM: Funny Man

CB: Child Bather

FB: Flower Bringer

CG: Chocolate Gifter

DP: Date Planner

ASR: All-Star Romantic

IS: Itch Scratcher

The Rules:

1. List your team in the comments below. Trash-talking phrases such as “Hugh Jackman can mow my lawn anytime,” “Penalty on ย Bradley Cooper. He’s just not pulling the weight the team needs from a DP this week!” and “My Mark Harmon can out-romance your Benedict Cumberbatch any day,” ย are highly encouraged. As is correcting me on which fantasy boyfriend would never let you down as a date planner.

2. You don’t have to use every position, and you can make up your own positions too. (Interpret as you will.) You can also use fictional celebrities, such as book and TV heroes, on your team.

3. Points will be accumulated based on the popularity and positivity of the celebrity in question. So Ben Affleck would’ve scored positive points for being named the next Batman, but the whole internet outcry over it was a total fumble, so he’d be a wash for the week. (Hey! Look at me quoting pop culture! I’m learning already.) Or points are awarded just for creativity in arguing why points should be awarded. (Book characters get mega points from me.)

3.b. As I’m terrible with pop culture, I’ll rely on all of you to help with the scoring. (Seriously, the Ben Affleck thing is an anomaly.)

4. You can change your team anytime you want to. (Fantasy Boyfriend League is heavy on the fantasy part.)

5. Someone artsy is encouraged to make a Fantasy Boyfriend League badge. They get fifty extra points. (Especially if they incorporate Jackson into the badge.)

6. The game will continue indefinitely, with random prizes awarded randomly and indiscriminately by anyone wishing to award a prize for any random and indiscriminate reason.

7. But really, we all win, because a) hot guys, and b) fantasies. Who can argue with that?

So. Who wants to play? Educate me on pop culture and bring me your best fantasy boyfriends. It’s win-win, people. Win-win.

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caisiesmom says September 26, 2013

LF: David Gandy. The man knows his clothes, and he can wear the heck out of a three piece suit. Plus, there’s lots of bending over to get the clothes in and out of the machines.
BR: Ian Somerhalder. The only problem is that I wouldn’t get to look at him much during this activity, so he’s going to do double duty as the (shirtless) Dish Doer.
DD: see above.
LM: Alexander Skarsgard can mow my lawn all day, every day. Especially shirtless. (I’ll be honest, I would like to put him in each position… of the FBL, of course.)
FM: Mathew Gray Gubler
CB: AJ McLean from the Backstreet Boys. I don’t care how cheesy anyone thinks this is. I have loved him for 20 years, and I will love him for 20 more. His daughter has turned him into a big pile of guyliner wearing mush, and it makes my heart happy.
FB: John Krasinksi, because he’s SO adorable and totally goofy.
CG: Jackson Davis, baby.
DP: Joe Mangianello. He’s into all kinds of cool sport stuff… and sports mean sweaty and possibly shirtless.
ASR: Nate Ruess. I adore him, and his quirks.
IS: Justin Timberlake. I’ve seen the man dance, something tells me his ‘itch scratching’ skills are probably pretty good.
CWT (car washing team): Adam Levine and Ryan Gosling.

This was actually pretty difficult for me, because I wanted to invent positions *ahem* for all of my favourite men!

    Jamie Farrell says September 26, 2013

    YES! This is a TEAM!! I love it. ๐Ÿ™‚ And I highly encourage those *ahem* invented positions. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Also, thank you for giving me something to google all afternoon. I seriously am HORRIBLE at knowing who’s hot. And I’m thinking of deducting points from Justin Timberlake this week because of the hashtag video making the rounds, but only because my husband got annoying trying to simulate it. So maybe I’ll just deduct points from hubby… ๐Ÿ™‚

      caisiesmom says September 26, 2013

      That video was hilarious! I only watch those things once though, so that they stay funny in my mind. ๐Ÿ™‚

      And you are welcome, girlfriend. Enjoy! I’m sure you can find a muse for your dirty poetry in that list. Yum, yum!

      caisiesmom says October 3, 2013

      I’m deducting points from Justin Timberlake this week for the outrageous price of his concert tickets in Toronto. $175 for P1?! I know he brought sexy back, but that’s steep.

        Jamie Farrell says October 3, 2013

        Ouch!! I know you can find sexy cheaper without sacrificing quality. ๐Ÿ™‚

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caisiesmom says December 4, 2013

Okay, bonus points this week for Justin Timberlake, Ian Somerhalder, and Joe Manganiello.
JT had an amaaaazing performance at the AMAs last week with the TN Kids. You should youtube it.

Ian Somerhalder adopted a pooch a while back and found out shortly afterwards that she was pregnant. She had the pups recently and he keeps posting pictures of himself laying on the floor covered in puppies. Oh. My. Goodness.

And Joe Manganiello has a new book out. A workout book. Meaning television appearances during which he lifts heavy things. Usually in a muscle shirt.

    Jamie Farrell says December 4, 2013

    I’m drooling just thinking about all three of them! Fifty points each. It’s the holidays. I’m feeling generous. ๐Ÿ™‚

Mid-week ManCandy: My Fantasy Boyfriend League | Gonna Need More Books says December 4, 2013

[…] mine. (You can find the position descriptions on Jamie’s blog, and of course, feel free to invent your own.) The boyfriends can be book boyfriends, tv […]

Debbie Oxier says February 2, 2014

Joe definitely. He’s just hot. Model Jed Hill. While he’s younger he’s the stuff sports romances are made of. Chris Hemsworth. Love the accent and the long hair. Tom Hiddleston may be a bad guy but he’s still hot. Clay Matthews, Green Bay Packers. Looks like he’s been chiseled from stone. Great alpha male. Lionel DeClerc, male model. Gorgeous eyes, just looks like he’d be romantic. As far as their positions, who cares? Just so they are on the team.

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